Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
