Dual....:-)
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
