so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
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Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
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I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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