when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
