I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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