and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
