In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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