just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Found your dick twin last night
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
