i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You're like the curious george of whores
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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