I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
