I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
