Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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