I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just pynch a tree in the face
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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