The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
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and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
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Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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