I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
