i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
