Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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