I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
