Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
