i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
