Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize