Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
