Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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