Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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