I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
