exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
