I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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