I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
