please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You pole danced in your parka.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
