I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
