whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
