You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Randomize
