If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize