I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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