party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
