Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
