Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
