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• (818): View more from California

  Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.

  Fav 1 2415 693

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• (352): View more from Florida

  I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk

  Fav 7 3332 966

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.

  Fav 25 5269 776

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Don't tempt me, I need beer money.

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  21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night

  Fav 29 2161 7499

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.

  Fav 15 2250 842

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.

  Fav 7 1232 802

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"

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  19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”

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• (646): View more from New York

  I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.

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• (270): View more from Kentucky

  I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me

  Fav 1 727 514

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.

  Fav 4 857 525

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• (818): View more from California

  I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit

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• (386): View more from Florida

  Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?

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