I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
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Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
god, I love you
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
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The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.