oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
