The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
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They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Houston, we have a squirter
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
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corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.