Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
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You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
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Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.