He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
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