It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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