where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
