I wish they made helmets for livers.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
