this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
