I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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