I want to stick my p in your. b.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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