does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
