I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
