So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
