I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
