my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
