The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
