xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
