Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
