please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
