brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
