Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
