I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
