No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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