Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
