So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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