I want to make a zoo with you.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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