there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
