batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
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