i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
