I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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