No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
not ubering you a puppy
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
