i was born a porn star she said
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
