you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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