I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
