I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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