in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
