R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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