I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
