Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
