I queefed so loud it echoed.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
