Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
