now i know why i became what i already was.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
