Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
God, I missed his penis.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
