Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
